so, you’re buying Tyrese’s book, huh?

that’s pretty cool.  i mean i kind of question it, given his history of hard to decipher, slightly asinine tweet philosophising, but it’s your money.  do what you will with it.

something you should know, though.. for Tyrese, “staying out of your own way” apparently means stalking your baby’s mother and sleeping in your car in front of her place all night.  yeah, that happened.  last night, actually.

uncomfy moments in “Histeria” history

not pictured: the kid in a Gestapo uniform.

Do you guys remember the WB catoon “Histeria?”  It was an Animaniacs-esque show that sought to entertain children while teaching them about world history.  Now, to a history freak like me, this show is just what the doctor ordered.  The Animaniacs is one, if not, my favorite cartoon series ever, and history is just freaking awesome, so the combination of the two really works for me.  But to the average 8-14 year old kid?  There aren’t many ways to make history cool, fun, or exciting.  Unless you sing and joke about it.  Which is what they did.

The problem with this… much of history is grim, bloody, and violent, and this show didn’t gloss over things like war, racism, and genocide.  They just.. did cartoony things with it, which, in retrospect, gave some often uncomfortable results.  Here, in kind of no particular order, are 5 of the most uncomfortable Histeria moments on youtube.

Sammy Davis Jr. on Maury!

it’s days like this that i feel so ecstatic to not have a job.

aunt bunny’s money shot.

yall know what a money shot is.  right?  it’s the moment that makes all the time spent watching or looking at something worth it.  this can range from the seminal part of a movie to the semen-al part of a skin flick (see what i did there?).  concerning young ladies who take to the pole to work their way through vet school, it’s usually a cooch shot.

and this is what you saw if you tuned in to the season premier of I Know This Aspirin Really Ain’t Gon Kill My Ass Fantasia For Real on VH1.  at the top of the hour, Fantasia decides that it’s a great idea to put her Aunt Bunny (pictured at top) in a pair of booty shorts and take her to her pole dancing class with her.  and let me just get this out of the way:  yes, i absolutely want to take a pole dancing class now.  let me also say that aunt bunny had nothing to do with this decision.  it just looks so freaking fun.  and i can only imagine how sexy id feel after that!  prancin around in heels for an hour or however long??  pssh.  you wouldn’t be able to tell my that my vajayjay aint made of 73 karat gold once i left that class.  anyway.  i digress.

so they go to the class and it’s broads spinnin and flippin and spread eaglin’ every whicha way.  then the instructor shows Tasia and Aunt Bunny a move that consisted of sliding down the pole, puttin your hands on your knees and then bussin it open for the money shot. Tasia did decently i suppose.  here’s Aunt Bunny’s money shot.

…so if the money shot, theoretically, is what brings your paycheck in, we may assume that Aunt Bunny’s performance will bring her some form of the following wages:

• a $10 Walmart gift card
• $8.31 and a handful of peppermints from the bottom of Sis. Odell’s good Sunday purse
• a pack of Newports and a buy one get one free coupon for Tussy
• some Kiss toenail french tips and a copy of ‘Vampire in Brooklyn’ on VHS
• half a book of foodstamps
• a 6-pack of Tab

make that money, aunt bunny.  don’t let it make you.

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B.mc.P exclusive!: an interview with hair whippin’ Willow Smith

"tee hee! bring it, bitch!"

if you know your way around the Internets, then you’ve probably heard that Will Smith’s daughter, Willow, has been making music in between serving bitches with her mohawk game.  and speaking of her hair, and her music, choreography for her song ‘whip my hair’ hit the internets all up in the face this week.  when i saw how crazy my twitter timeline was going under the weight of it all, i knew that i HAD to get this story.  so after a lot of work and a few bribes, i managed to score a quick interview with Willow herself to get the inside scoop on the song and what’s next for her and her music career.

dear aretha franklin:

AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAAHHAH!!!!!!!

Aretha Franklin: Halle Berry Should Portray Me In Film

dear Tyler Perry:

work your voodoo magic and make sure that this becomes the official poster for your adaptation of  ‘For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf.’

im already worried about how the adaptation is going to turn out.  at least give us something to look forward to and be hopeful for!

but really, this is an amazing piece of work infinitely talented young artist Tatyana Fazlalizdeh (reach her via twitter here), currently stationed in Philadelphia.  we’re trying to drum up enough internet  buzz for the right folks to see it, so please tweet it, blog it, tumblr it, digg it, facebook it, or whatever you young interweb whippersnappers do.

hurry up!  we’ve started without you!

obscure r&b album covers of the day

so i guess its safe to say that r&b is becoming the underlying theme of this blog.  which is fine with me.  as long as asinine people keep stepping into studio, i’m not against discussing where they went wrong.

i got an early christmas gift today when my very good friend donnie gave me the link to a blog full of the most random, dated r&b that i’ve never heard of in my life.  the possibilities contained therein are ENDLESS.  i predict many more discussions on r&b coming from that link alone.  so you may thank him for this.

in no particular order, since they’re all equally ridiculous:

1.  Renaizzance – Intimate Thoughts

first, a question.. why did everybody feel the need to spell shit the wrong way?  ‘hello, ladies and gentlemen, we are Peaches and Cream, only it’s spelled PeichezzZ aynd Kriem beause we’re craft and clever.’  smh.  anyway.

u can’t convince me that that wasn’t done by somebody’s 14 yr old little brother with MS clipart and the first edition of Paint Shop Pro.  don’t it look like an airbrushed Rest in Peace t-shirt? (ps – WHY DO THEY HAVE A BEST OF ALBUM?)

ridiculous moments in r&b, part 2

it took 12 years, but here we go again!  ridiculous moments in r & b part deux!  in no particular order, the winners are:

1.  Who let your drunk uncles in the studio?? i have no idea how ‘Float On’ by the Floaters came about, but i’m guessing it went something like this:

Larry: ay!  ay yall, this where my nephew Ronnie J come in here and do his music shit at…i think he got some beer in a fridge here somewhere down here since Paul done drank up all the everythang.

Paul: you cain’t put that on me, man!  you know i don’t drink no beer if it ain’t malted anyway, you hear me??!  *pimp runs around the room*

Charles: WHERE THE ‘YAC AT??!

Ralph: shut up, fool!  hey Larry, what you say Ronnie ‘nem do in here?  music?  aw, shit, we could do that!  we can make somethin for the ladies, man!

Charles: AIN’T NO MAD DOG OR NOTHIN IN HERE, MAN!

Larry: yeah!  say, man, that ain’t a bad idea!  there’s this redbone that work at the Snackin Shack i been tryin to get at for the longest!

Ralph: awwww yeah!  i’ma get on that microphone, talkin bout some “I’M A SCORPIO!  DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEAN, GIRL??!”  *inappropriate hip gyration*

Charles: THIS SOME BULLSHIT!!!

gotta hand it to em though.  the foot action is *crazy* and this song is better than ANYTHING that trey songz will ever do in the history of his life.

‘Donnie McClurkin Likes Dick: The Musical’

hello, young man. come and let me lay some holy hands on that ass.

and it’s okay.  it’s okay that donnie mcclurkin likes dick.  really.  i don’t give a shit.  nobody else does either.  well, i guess the portion of his fans/supporters that are conservative anti-gay christians may care and as a result may stop buying his music.  and i guess that’s why he’s been caught out in the streets being his hypocritical self again, this time picking on gay youth.  personally, im bored with it.  i think the things he’s saying abt gay folk are abhorrent, and while im being angry abt it, im also feeling very sorry for him too.  there’s somethin tragic at work here that makes him and others like him feel like being gay isn’t okay.  and that’s sad.

seeing him do this again is very angering though.  earlier today i thought it wld be a good idea to write a song called ‘donnie mcclurkin likes dick,’ because i am one of those people who feels that her inner thoughts, feelings, and emotions are best described in interpretive dance, monologues, or in song form.  problem is im not that great a song writer so i can’t compose a sweeping instrumental good enough to bear the weight of my words.

so i stole somebody else’s.  i thought you’d be able to hear it better if it was done in ‘to-the-tune-of’ style.  disclaimer:  this is probably, on some level, blasphemous and offensive as the word “Christian” appears alongside other such words as “dick,” “cock,” and “nigga.”  but i don’t care.  if u will, stop reading and go away.

if u wont, LET THE PARTY BEGIN!  to the tune of lil flip’s ‘game over’ (an oldie, and a generally terrible song, but ‘flip’ and ‘dick’ rhyme too well to ignore)!