ni hao, suckerpunks!
sorry for the huge dry spell, but i was in my glorious birthstate for 11 days and i just got back recently.
home was great! i got to see my brand spankin new waaaay more adorable than you nephew! he’s pretty much the best baby ever. like seriously. think of your favorite baby. your own, if you have any. gather up a good estimate of that baby’s cuteness, adorableness, and awesomeness. got it? k. now roll it all up together and knead it around a bit. grab a rolling pin, dust it with some flower, & roll it out, not too thin. throw it in the oven for a bit, about an hour at 350 degrees. when it’s golden brown & delicious looking, take it out, and then THROW IT ON THE GROUND AND STEP ON IT!!!!!! that is your baby’s deliciousness compared to my little morsel of perfection. id post a picture but with all the stalkers he’s gonna have once he grows teeth and becomes President of the Whole Fracking World, he needs this precious time to rest. and grow teeth.
so anyway, home was awesome. i love Kentucky. i’ll post more abt that later, and maybe some pictures if I can drum some up.
in the mean and inbetween, ive decided to start doing product reviews here. this blog isnt about me, of course, but yo. i have a problem. i officially divorced myself from the white man’s creamy crack back in june (or july?) & since then i’ve been going absolutely nuts trying out every single hair product i read about trying to find out what works well for my hair. i dont know what to do with this shit! its naturally curly (which i didnt know until i was like 20 years old), and after 14 years of perming & dealing with straight (and luxurious and silky and delicious.. my shit was LAID lemme tell you!!!!!) hair, i am *so lost*. so ive developed a new addiction, one so severe that my heroin habit is jealous of it. i can’t stop buying hair shit. i cant. i just cant. i dropped $50 yesterday at curlmart.com, and before that i had to fight myself not to go crazy in the hairstore downstairs. yeah, did i mention that there is a hairstore IN THE DAMN BUILDING I WORK IN??! i think this is what jesus felt like when loosifuh took him to the mountaintop. except jesus was waaay better at saying ‘no.’
Satan: 'Jesus, come on, yo! Afrobella says that new Motions Marula hair balm is the bomb!' Jesus: 'I WILL SLAP YOU!!'
anyway. i at least try to research products very well before i buy them, but sometimes i cant find many reviews on something ive seen, if any at all. so, in the name of more product reviews for product slutbags like myself, im gonna start reviewing the goo gobs of stuff i have here. it’ll also help me remember which things i’ve liked and which i’ve hated in case i forget one day. cause i prolly will.
so. first up: Nexxus Phyto-Organics Extreme Moisture Theratin Shampoo & Humectin Conditioner.
while at home i was the mall, and while cuttin through JC Penny i passed a bunch of displays of hair stuff near their salon and of COURSE i broke my neck to see what it was, *especially* cause they were havin a buy one get one free sale on all of it (i’ll buy ANYTHING if its BOGO. what’s that? buy a dress made of halibut and penicillin? well, i hate fish & im allergic to penicillin, but IF I GET ONE FREE….!!). the small bottles of the nexxus extreme moisture stuff were 13.50, so i was like okay, i’ll get a shampoo & get the conditioner free on my way out.. that way if i dont like it, i wont have TOO much to have to get rid of. i have the thirstiest hair on the planet, so the words ‘extreme moisture’ are like porn to me. i was excited. excited in a way i don’t care to discuss during daylight hours.
so i go through the mall, come back, and THE SALE IS OVER! it was some doorbuster back-to-school shit, so it ended at 3 pm. i was PISSED! wasn’t no way i was gonna peel 26 bucks for two little bitty bottles of shampoo & conditioner that may not even work! luckily tho the lady told me that they then had a two-fer sale: two bottles, 1 liter each, of the shampoo AND conditioner for 20 bucks total. i reasoned in my head that if it *does* work i will have gotten the Stoney Jackson of deals (note: i like Stoney Jackson, so that’s a good thing. call me, boo!), and if it doesnt work, i can prolly sell it on ebay or somethin. the 1 liter bottles retailed at 30 a piece there, if i remember correctly (they’re for sale for 21 on the nexxus website now though).
i have to say that i didnt get the Stoney Jackson of deals… i got the MORRIS DAY of deals!!! (note: i like Morris Day WAAAY more than Stoney Jackson, so this is VERY GOOD! CALL ME BOO!!)! i *love* them. i was wary though, because both the shampoo and conditioner have mineral oil, and the ppl at nappturality were successful at making me terrified of mineral oil. i really thought about it though, and im alright with it as long as the mineral oily product is put in my hair when wet, b/c the way i see it, and mind you this is just my theory, the problem with mineral oil is that it seals your hair, keeping moisture out of it. but if it’s put in while wet, it’s also sealing moisture into it, right? mineral oil hasn’t hurt my hair yet, so im good with it. i just don’t use anything with mineral oil in it while its dry.
so, if you’re not afraid of mineral oil, i definitely recommend these products. the moisture is ridiculous. and i finally discovered what ‘slip’ means.. i combed out my hair completely and without incident for the first time since ive stopped putting heat on my hair (which has only been abt a month). and that is HUGE because normally, i can’t get comb nor finger through this stuff. when i was in the country, a bug got caught in it and of course i automatically assume that it’ll never get out and proceeded to have the largest conniption of my entire life. it’s a thicket up there.
one thing ive never really understood is the 4a, 3c, 24q hair type stuff. truth is i’m still not sure. like it kinda has some properties of 3-somethin, but 4-somethin as well. i dunno. i’ll post pics when i can think to, but its really thick.. not exactly coarse, but very *very* thirsty.. & the curls are really coily and springy (the shrinkage in the middle of my head is totally retarded.. around the edges, they stretch a little more, either due to straightening or just differing texture, im not sure yet). & there are a few tiny pieces of perm that didnt get cut out for whatever reason. i dont know if that will help anybody at all. lol
anyway, these really lived up to the ‘extreme moisture’ lable they were given.. to give some contrast, i once tried some pantene bullshit for people with curly hair and HATED it.. after the first lather, i couldn’t feel a single curl in my hair.. the definition was just completely stripped and i had to put so much product in my hair to get it back again. after that, i deemed herbal essences ‘hello hydration’ shampoo a godsend after i could still feel the curls in my head while washing. but the nexxus shampoo was 10 times more moisturizing than that was.. i swear my hair felt even curlier and softer *instantly*.. and u know how shampoos with sulfates usually make your hair (or at least my hair) feel at least a little coarser as you lather? i didnt get that feeling with this at all.. it felt like a really great co-wash that just happened to lather. i could get a finger through it after the first rinse. SHOCKING. and the conditioner of course is just all that times 20. and it smells nice, too!
this stuff was actually so moisturizing that i was worried that my curls would be dull and lifeless and just loaded down with whatever magic is in those bottles once it dried, but nope! once i put my product in it, it does what it normally does (which isnt anything impressive in my estimation, but im still tryin to figure out exactly what to do with this stuff so that’s on me). last night i pre-pood with olive oil for an hour after not washing or co-washing my hair for about 4 days, so there was a good bit of build-up. i thought that surely id end up having to wash with shampoo in the morning, b/c without a strong cleanser in it, i saw no way that the conditioner would leave any life in it. wrong again! after using a fantasia leave-in, carol’s daughter hair milk, and fantasia IC gel with sparkle lites (wtf is a sparkle lite?!), the curls are more defined than they’ve been in quite awhile. & there’s less frizz than ever. that’s usually my biggest problem, but this morning i spritzed with water, shook my head & went on about my business, and now that its (nearly) dry, there’s little to no frizz. amazering!
i’m trying to remember if there’s a cone in either of them, but i cant recall.. i dont think there is though. i’ll post ingredients when i can think to. i think its just the mineral oil that i forsee giving pause to any naturals who don’t want to use it in their hair. i have zero problem with it though.
so in conclusion, i give the nexxus extreme moisture theratin shampoo & humectin conditioner 3.5 donkins on a 4 donkin scale; i docked half a donkin b/c of the mineral oil. which again, i dont mind, but due to my conditioning after reading of its horrors, my soul would feel completely free to rejoice were it not in there.
remember the donkin, btw? i hereby dub him the official BmcP mascot!
yay donkin! yay nexxus!!
*note – Stoney Jackson appears courtesy of mesdeuxcents.blogspot.com and an immense lack of anywhere better to be.