Tag Archives: Hillary Clinton

Hillary’s energizing spirit drives the nation. To sleep.

LINCOLN, NEBRASKA — Hillary spoke to a crowd attempting to rally support and comatized them all with her invigorating message of whatever the hell she talks about.

“Oh, I thought it was wonderful,” said 75-year-old Pearlie Swann, “she was up there, you know, and she was talkin’ bout this or the other and I thought to myself, ‘You know, I like her. She talks so good and thinks a lot about everything, and she wants everybody to be healthy and that means a lot to me, you know, because I got this boil on my back that I just can’t seem to get rid of, and then the next thing you know, I woke up and it was the best day of my life.”

She added, as an afterthought, “You know that Obama is such a nice lookin’ young man, isn’t he?”

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thanks, D. 🙂

michelle obama to the clintons: ‘stfu, hax!’

i dunno how old this is, and tactic wise, i dont know how much of this is new.  and when it comes to politics, i dont know nothin bout nothin.  but even i know that hilary and bill been on some othershit with the mudslingin lately.  like, for real.  let ME be obama’s wife.  i’d be ready to see either one of them clintons in a dark alley over them talkin wreckless about my man.  i never even considered how his *real* wife (i’m hatin, btw) feels abt it and what she’s said, if anything at all.

today though, i run across this.  now i admit, my personal feelings for Obama have kept me from liking or even considering his wife at all.  it kinda kills my lusting for him, you know?  but, i have to say that her response was well put together and professional while retaining a bit of bite and venom, and i respect that.  i bet i know what she really wanted to say though.  allow me to translate:

“In the past week or two, another candidate’s spouse has been getting an awful lot of attention. ”  – translation:  “Oh I’m sorry, Bill, I didn’t know YO punk ass was runnin for president again.  What’s that?  You’re not?  Oh.  …stfu then.”

“We knew getting into this race that Barack would be competing … with Senator Clinton and President Clinton at the same time.” – translation:  “You owe her after creepin up in somebody else’s sheets.  We understand that, homie.”

“We expected that Bill Clinton would tout his record from the nineties and talk about Hillary’s role in his past success. That’s a fair approach and a challenge we are prepared to face. ” –  translation:  “True, yall did what yall did and everything, and it was cool and all, I’m not hatin on that.”

“What we didn’t expect, at least not from our fellow Democrats, are the win-at-all-costs tactics we’ve seen recently. We didn’t expect misleading accusations that willfully distort Barack’s record.”  – translation:  “Yall muhfkers is DIRTY.  If yall want a fight, you goin after the wrong person, COME SEE ME.”

“Barack Obama isn’t relying on a former president of the United States to campaign for him.” – translation:  “Hillary Clinton is relying on a former president of the United States to campaign for her.  …Bitch.”

“He’s relying on us — you, me, and hundreds of thousands of people like us who are giving whatever they can afford to support this movement.  Please stand up in the face of these new attacks. Make your first online donation of $50 today and own a piece of this campaign …” – translation:  “The doors of the church are open.  We’ll start the collection plate at the left side of the sanctuary.”

now once again.  i do NOT think hillary clinton is a bitch at all.  i actually respect her a great deal.  but all i know is if *i* was married to Obama and she & her dude get to talkin like they have been?  all bets are off.  it’s go time.

i guess that’s why im not married to Obama.

sigh.  pour me another drink.