Tag Archives: John McCain

john mccain gets rick rolled

and they talk about liberal media bias?  where were the reports on THIS, huh?  i smell a coverup.

so. this ashley todd mccain mugging business. UPDATE: she confessed.

****update on the update.  looks like the little ratfink confessed.  she really, REALLY better apologize to EVERYBODY b/c there’s nobody that she hasn’t run afoul of with this story.  she insulted obama supporters, mad mccain supporters look bad, and clearly thought that the entire nation was dumb enough to believe that wack ass B and sparkly makeup black eye.  i mean it, i want a joe the plumber type press conference held in her driveway with jimmy swaggart ‘I HAVE SINNED AGAINST YOU!!’ type tears.

simple bitch.  ugh.

**update:  lol, folks are ON IT.  check out ashleyislying.wordpress.com for more details & inconsistancies**

as a woman, i wont lie.  it is my inclination to believe a woman’s claims of being attacked by a man, because im of the opinion that it’s more dangerous to disbelieve such claims and be incorrect than it is to believe them and be wrong.  i’m a woman’s woman, what can i say.

but flat out, this story is WAAAY too fishy for me to be believing.

if you havent heard, check this link.  quick synopsis:

-woman in pittsburgh @ an atm gets roughed up and robbed at knifepoint.  cool, i can believe that.

-the assault happens out of eyeshot of the security cameras.  at a bank.  you know how many security cameras are strung up at banks?  whatever tho.. sometimes the stars align in such a way and things happen.

-at some point, he notices that the girl has a McCain bumper sticker on her car, gets incensed, decides to ‘teach her a lesson’ (supposedly a direct quote from him to the girl) and proceeds to rough her up, ending with the carving of the letter ‘B,’ presumably for ‘Barack’ into her face.

*RECORD SCRATCH*

what?!  like.  …what??!  do we even need to talk abt why this is suspicious?  how does a man who has just robbed and beat up a woman have the time or presence of mind, what with all the ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU GET CAUGHT! adrenaline coursing through his veins, to just hang around and watch her go to her car AND peep the bumper sticker??  what kind of man who apparently feels that he has to rob someone to get money rationalize potentially getting caught by sticking around some more to make a political statement???  if you in the streets like that, how are politics that heavy on your mind??  

no, i say.  here’s where she needs more people, in the immortal words of Jay-Z, and i need to see a picture.  and im in luck.  

the ‘B’ is backwards.

.

unless she took this picture while aiming her camera at a mirrored reflection, this would mean that the mugger, frantic & hopped up on adrenaline, and armed with a knife, wrestling with a struggling victim and pressed for time, steadied himself AND her enough to SCRATCH–not carve–a pretty steadily formed letter into her face, taking care not to apply too much pressure to break the skin with his knife (note:  knifes are typically pretty sharp), and concentrated enough to, for some reason, write the letter BACKWARDS.

come on, now.

i highly encourage you to check out what the intellects (ha) at okayplayer are saying on it.  there’s some pretty delicious conspiracy theorizing going on, and this time it actually makes sense.  things get suspiciouser (ie – after the attack, she refused medical attention and, though she didn’t know where she was, managed to make her way to a friend’s house in an unfamiliar city/part of time.  …riiiiight).

what i wanted to call attention to though, is her myspace page.  her quote reads:  lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it’s better if you do.

…wooooow. i almost stood up and said ‘no further questions, your honor’ after that.  then i realized i would have been talking to myself and decided against it.  also, it looks like she took one of those annoying little quizzes that myspacers seem to love to take and share with everyone (‘I’M A CARRIE!  WHICH SEX IN THE CITY BROAD ARE YOU?!’).  this one asks the question, ‘how will you die?’  her result:  ‘political assasination.’

Your obsession with power will eventually be the end of you when you’re shot down by members of your own cabinet.

Rough way to go. We recommend writing up a good will, and shredding any documents that might paint you as a shady character. The last thing you need is your political legacy being destroyed when greedy relatives ransacking your mansion discover that you plagiarized your book report in fourth grade.

…yeah.  either Dionne Warwick really does have some psychic abilities, or…. yeah.

plus, she twittered about it.  OMG THIS IS SO SCARY!  WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO??  I KNOW, I’LL TWEET!  wtf.  give me a break please, someone.  expeditiously.

even that hardcore conservative chick doesn’t believe it.  and if SHE has decided to put down her cup of koolaid on this one, i think we could all stand to look twice at this pot of bullshit stew.

sorry, ash.  you’re walkin this one without me, my sister.

thanks to okp for all the links & theorem.

one of the worst cases of child abuse ive heard of in awhile.

thanks (i guess?) to dre for this.

 

New dad names daughter Sarah McCain Palin

ELIZABETHTON, Tenn. — A new father has secretly named his baby girl Sarah McCain Palin after the Republican ticket for president and vice president.

Mark Ciptak of Elizabethton put that name on the documents for the girl’s birth certificate, ignoring the name Ava Grace, which he and his wife had picked earlier.

“I don’t think she believes me yet,” he told the Kingsport Times-News for a story to be published Tuesday. “It’s going to take some more convincing.”

Ciptak, a blood bank employee for the American Red Cross, said he named his third child after John McCain and Sarah Palin to “to get the word out” about the campaign.

“I took one for the cause,” he said. “I can’t give a lot of financial support for the (McCain/Palin) campaign. I do have a sign up in my yard, but I can do very little.”

 

….seriously, id divorce his ass for this, take him to the cleaners, and donate all the loot to Barack*.  what a doosh.

 

*im lyin, i’d buy a jacuzzi.

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my thoughts on the presidential debate.

…barack obama said ‘orgy.’

for serious, i cant even remember what he was talkin abt or what else he said in the same sentence.  he was bitchslappin mccain tho so it was prolly somethin like ‘your hairline and that dumb ass smirk of yours is like an orgy of creepy things that are difficult to look at.’

its the first time ive ever heard obama utter anything sexual outside of my fantasies.

me:   ‘look at mccain.  i bet he’s a robot.  he looks like a robot.  a really old robot.  you know you’re old if you’d still be old even if u were a robo–wait… did obama say orgy?  OMG OBAMA SAID ORGY.’

i looked exactly like this:

i think there were other things said after that, but im not sure.

obama won!

note to self: don’t fucking lie to david letterman.

so, here’s what happened while i was out watching the phillies eat dirt today:

john mccain, while preparing to appear on the tonight show with david letterman, notices that the economy has a raging teminal case of crotch rot, and decides that he has to do something about it.  now.  right now, he’s just gotta fix it.  so, he cancels on letterman.  letterman gets my silver-haired boo keith olbermann to fill in.

letterman is like cool.  bully old mccain.  good guy.

at some point during the night, letterman gets word that not only did mccain not rush to the airport to cure the economic crotch rot, but his ensure-drinkin ass is being interviewed by katie couric.   right down the street.

dave, being the subtle guy he is, exposes the wrinkle little weeble wobble for the ancient liar he is.

please watch this & spread it around like herpes before it gets pulled (thanks to deadline hollywood daily for this).

McCain attempts to wow voters with Vegas-style magic show

August 29, 2008–New York, N.Y.:  Republican presidential hopeful and likely nominee John McCain surprised his supporters–and more importantly, his potential supporters–with a treat early this morning:  a magic show that no one was expecting (okay, some probably saw it coming), organized by the McCain camp.

“We wanted it to be a real treat,” said a spokesman for the campaign.  “Though it was by invitation only, it was planned with everyone in mind, all those already on the McCain train, those thinking of boarding, and those waiting at Obama Central Station, looking over their shoulder here at us.  It’s not too late to get your money back, guys!”  When questioned about where on earth the spokesman got that horrid metaphor, he refused to comment.

The show began at around 9:00 am EST in a brightly colored auditorium decorated, oddly enough, with daisies, pink streamers, and framed covers of Cosmo magazine.  The show was invitation only, and each seat was suspiciously filled with women, 89% of whom were clad in Keds and Mom Jeans.  McCain took to the stage, a regular Dapper Dan in tails and a top hat, and thanked everyone for attending.

“Good evening!” he said, struggling to put some life behind his patented and trademarked dead-behind-the-eyes gaze.  “I hope you’ll all enjoy the show.  There are refreshments about, as I understand, we’ve got some bon bons, uh, and some cakes and things that you all might like, and if anyone gets crampy, we’ve got some Midol and hot water bottles too.  Now, I’d like to introduce to you all, my beautiful, lovely assistant.. the Great Palini!”

From behind a red velvet curtain emerged a feminine beauty, also in tails and a top hat, but with high heels and fish nets to boot.  She twirled twice and then took McCain’s hands at he continued.

“She’s truly amazing, folks!  If you think I’m a magician, wait til you get a load of her!  She can do it all, ladies and gentle… ladies, she can bend steel with her mind!  She can make doves appear out of thin air!  She manages to govern the entire state of Alaska and be a fantastic mom, all while never missing a single episode of Oprah!”  Some in the crowd chuckled; others sent out impressive ‘oooh,’s while others muttered, “What in the damn hell?” 

“And now, ladies and.. ladies, I will attempt a truly impressive feat.  Before your very eyes, I shall transform the Great Palini from simple governor and hockey mom to… Sarah Palin, Vice President of the United States!”  Here, a puff of smoke errupted at Palin’s feet, and when it cleared, she was clad in a blue skirted business suit and (for some reason) holding a tray of cookies one hand, and a baby in the other.  The crowd gasped.

While one half of the room rewarded McCain with thunderous applause, the others prepared for the question and answer/meet and greet session to follow the show.

“Um, yeah, I have a question,” said Noreen McDonald of Springfield, IL., “who is this woman?”

The Great Palini, aka Sarah Palin, solidifies her womanness by appearing on the cover of Vogue, 2007.

“She’s a very, very talented individual with a sharp wit and, as you can see, very perky breasts.  Womanly breasts.  Next question, please!”

“Yes, but… who is she?  What does she do?  What are her qualifications?”

“She’s a governor!” McCain chirped cheerfully.  “She’s the governor of our great state of Alaska, which I assure you is no easy feat; it’s the largest state in our nation, so I’m sure that equals a lot of work, and she’s done a great job!”

“Yeah,” said Michelle Greenwood of Kansas City, MO, “but really.. how hard can governing a bunch of snow and ice and seals be?”

The crowd chuckled but McCain’s pasty countenance began to moisten and melt, and it became clear to the crowd that he was perspiring beneath the heat of the crowd’s interrogation.

“I, uh, I’d be happy to answer that for you, but there’s.. there’s a little something distracting me.  What’s this?”  McCain walked over to the woman and reached for the left side of her face.  “Well, would you look at that!  Somebody left a shiny new quarter in there!  Here you go, pretty lady!” 

“Oh, this is bullshit!” the woman retorted.  “This is an insult!  You parade some nobody of a woman out here and expect us to fall in line?  You think that’s all we want?  A vagina in the white house?!”

“Alright, Sarah, time to pull out the big guns,” McCain said to his new running mate before turning to the crowd:  “Ladies I assure you that I have the answer to all your questions, and more.  I think what you’re looking for is riiiiight over… here!”  In a fluid motion impressive for a 98 year old man, McCain threw a small ball to his left and the stage exploded in red smoke.  From the smoke emerged 300 can-can dancers, followed by a parade of flaming clowns on unicycles, and contortionists riding on the backs of elephants spelling out the word “MAVERICK” with their bodies.

Disgusted, Michelle Greenwood stood and walked out.  No word yet on how many women were smart enough to do the same.

© The Impoverished Times

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an open letter to party-jumping hillary supporters.

i am moved to write on this after helping to edit this petition that nobody signed (lol), and after talkin abt it with a friend on the phone this afternoon.  we were discussing the AP report, now said to be untrue, that said Hillary was going to concede tonight.  so, we were talkin abt that, then got to talkin abt all the rabid Hillary supporters who seem dead set and certain on voting for McCain rather than Obama, should Obama get the nod, and as it becomes clearer and clearer that he will be the democratic nominee, this becomes more of an alarming problem to me.  i mean, its absurd. its completely ridiculous, selfish, and in my opinion, unpatriotic. 

here’s a bit from the petition i mentioned that pretty much sums up my thoughts:

This is alarming because it poses a such a huge threat to democratic success. We must not permit people to succumb to their prejudices; the votes that Hillary supporters will cast for McCain or for no one at all put in jeopardy the lives of additional soldiers who will no doubt be sent to Iraq under further Republican rule. This is unpatriotic. Putting the vitality of this country in danger simply to avoid voting for a black man is unpatriotic. Casting a spiteful vote for a man who will continue so many damaging, devastating policies instead of voting for a fully capable democratic leader is unpatriotic. And we need Senator Clinton to know that sitting idly by while her followers allow their prejudices get the best of them, setting the stage for four more years of global unrest, governmental unlawfulness, and national dissatisfaction is unpatriotic as well.

sigh.  i mean.. okay.  i, too, have a vagina.  black women have been in a unique position during the race between Obama and Clinton because we can see both sides of the fence.  i remember talking with my neice, who was then 14 yrs old, about the election and who she wanted to win, and she was a bit torn.  she said ‘well, i dont know; if either of them wins, i’ll be happy, because if a woman wins then i can be represented as a woman, but if a black person wins, i can be represented as a black person.’  i wonder if this touches on a potential reason as to why we dont see as big a number of Obama supporters who refuse to vote for Hillary if she gets the nod.  no matter who wins, at least there’s some form of minority in the office instead of another representative of the monolithic mythic norm that has forever had a boot on the collective neck of those in the margins.

anyway.  i can imagine how hillary’s white female supporters feel.  the feminist fight is a bitter, brutal one; i know this from my days of activism in college & after, both personally and politically.  when its man vs woman, there’s a big push and need for womanly toughness, a take-no-prisoners kind of spirit.  knuckle up, go toe to toe, dont take no for an answer.  since being so totally turned off by the Clinton camp and becoming a full fledged Obama supporter (note:  i was not always an Obama girl; i was undecided til Hillary & nem started wildin out), i sometimes forget that on the other side, this is man vs. woman.  not strictly, of course; im not trying to boil this down til there’s nothing but the issue of gender left, cause its clearly more than that.  but im just wondering if, for those feminists on Hillary’s side, this is where the bitterness that is leading so many people to say they’ll vote for McCain is coming from.  a strong, capable woman will have again been unfairly defeated by a big ol man, priviledged by his gender (nevermind the huge disadvantage that his race has posed).  i dont know though.  im sure there are plenty of men who dont give a good hoo-damn about what’s between who’s legs, they’re just not voting for Obama.  i am only theorizing out loud.

im still wandering though.  let’s take both race and gender out of the equation, though.  they don’t exist.  they are non-issues.  this is still fucked up!  at the very core of this circus, what you have is a group of people who are so dead set on their candidate being the nominee that rather than do the logical thing and vote for the person who is most similar in beliefs and ideals to their candidate of choice–that person of course being Obama, because he and Clinton’s agendas are not that different, and damn sure aren’t as distant as Clinton & McCain’s are–they’d rather vote for someone who’s policies and beliefs are closer to president Bush?  president gotdamn Bush?  the bastard with the lowest approval rating ever in the history of american presidents?!  the one that all democrats supposedly despise?  this is who you’d rather have in office? 

motherfucker, why??! (c) steve harvey

i’ll tell you why.  it’s not because you believe in what McCain stands for more than Obama.  it’s because you’re selfish, stubborn, sore, and sullen and so prideful that you can’t see straight.  you’re that little kid who brings the ball to the basketball court but won’t let anyone play with it if u get picked last, ruining the whole damn game for every damn body.    you’re selfish.  over all, you’re selfish.  and you’re weak, because you are letting your own selfish pride override your sense of duty as an American.  the security of our country doesn’t give a shit whether or not your first choice becomes president.  it doesn’t care.  it doesn’t want somebody at the helm because they have a flag pin on their jacket.  it wants someone who will do what is best for it, and if u really, honestly and truly believe that McCain is the better person for that, that he has the better ideas and all that jazz, then you should have been on his side in the first place, not Hillary’s.  when u cant get what you want, then you usually want the next best thing.  if u want Pepsi but can’t find it in a store, you go for Coke.  so now that yall can’t have Hillary, u go for McCain?  that’s like goin for castor oil when you can’t find Pepsi.  where’s the logic in that?

im gonna wrap this up soon cause im sure attention spans are quickly running out, but i do want to say that what really, really scares me, like truly and genuinely scares me about all the people who would rather vote McCain in office is this war.  right now, we, as american voters, literally have the lives of american soldiers, present and future, in our hands.  McCain is gonna keep us in Iraq.  i dont believe that Clinton or Obama would.  this is my genuine belief.  the way you vote can essentially save a bunch of young uniformed lives or send them out to slaughter continually for who knows how long.  think about that when you vote.  think about your own children.  would you be able to look them in the eye after you return home from voting for McCain and tell them that you may have just sent them to Iraq, a foreign country where the soldiers there aren’t afraid to die in the course of trying to kill you and your friends?  that will essentially be what you have done.  could you live with yourself and your decision if they go over there and never come back home? 

and how long ago was it that everybody was jumpin on Obama for not wearing a flag pin or putting his hand over his heart a few times?  that was unpatriotic, right?  but these same people who were on his ass about it can put their own country and the men and women who risk their lives to defend it in danger by voting for a man who will no doubt keep us locked in war for who knows how long, all because they dont like Obama? 

yall are gambling with something priceless, seriously.  to vote for that man just because you don’t want Obama to win is wreckless, irresponsible, unpatriotic, and dangerous, all around, if for no other reason than because we are at war right now. 

maybe people are making more of this than they should at this particular time, because there’s a bigger picture that we need to be paying attention to.  we need to cool out and see that right now, this cannot be a battle between man and woman.  it cannot be about black vs white.  it cannot be about ‘i just like her better than him.’  it HAS to be about whats best for this country vs a continuation of the bullshit we’ve been suffering through for 8 years.  it needs to be about democrat vs republican, nothing more, nothing less. 

i dont like Hillary Clinton.  as a person.  i don’t like her.  but guess what, if she gets this nomination?  i will be a Hillary Clinton campaign donating motherfucker.  i will vote for her because even though i don’t care much for her as a person, i can still see that she’s the better choice over McCain.  if either one of these folks wins the nomination, be it Hillary or Barack, we will be in far better shape than we have been for over a decade. 

no matter what happens, i will not vote for John McCain because i love this country and i want the best for it.  i hope that one day, one day very, very soon, Hillary’s supporters will be able to say the same.

stop this foolishness. sign this damn petition because those 8 signatures are really pathetic (lmao wtf, Jordanne!) .

Democrat 08.

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alright, that takes care of the seriousness for the rest of this year.  we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog about celebrity weaves, fat asses, and poot stories.