Tag Archives: Mary J. Blige

who unremixed the remix?

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ive been thinking abt this for quite awhile.  remember when remixes were remixes?  i mean like, completely different songs?  what happened  to that?  when did that stop?  it’s like i just woke up one day and noticed that ppl were just takin original songs, slappin some wack verse by some random rapper on em and calling it a remix.  that’s it.  just lil somebody or young whoever talkin bout bullshit.

young people, this is NOT how you do it.  that aint a remix; its an added verse.  i want REAL remixes back!   mix up the melody, do somethin different with the beat.  a different mix, of the song.  a re-mix, if you will.  A REMIX.

you know, my soul is basically always at odd with puffy poppa diddy puff, but i will give him credit:  that man could appreciate a remix.  i’ll draw the line at him sayin he invented the shit, but.  as a good example of what a remix should be, i’d like to put beneath the microscope 2 of mary j. blige’s best albums ever:  ‘what’s the 411’ and the ‘what’s the 411’ remix album.

o yes.  i said *remix album.*

we can’t get a decent SINGLE remix today, but back then?  n!ggas had ENTIRE REMIX ALBUMS.  OF REAL REMIXES.

here’s one of my favorite songs, ‘love no limit.’  this is the original.

now, here’s the remix.

i dont even have to say too much.  aint nobody rappin on this shit.  they’re not bein lazy and resting on that being the difference.  they kept essentials & made a totally different song.  and my soul screams YES! (c) probably the name of some wack ass chitlin circut play starring christopher williams & stony jackson.  and here’s another good one:  ‘let’s get married’ by jagged edge, original & remix.  this is one of the two reasons i respect jermaine dupri.  to be honest with you, i can’t remember reaon #2.

meanwhile, let’s look at ashanti’s ‘rain on me‘ and its “remix.”

.

that’s not a remix, that’s a LIE.

this is my official petition to re-remix the remix.  because these new jack jerks are too damn young to be so lazy.

r & b nobody remembers but me: Anquette

the Jukebox was my boyfriend back in the day. there was a pretty long stretch of time where we didn’t have cable at my mama nem’s house, and there was like, nothing on. by that time, i had gotten pretty used to watchin music videos, so i took to the Box really quickly. there are a few songs that immediately jump into my brain when i think about that tv channel, and they’re usually songs that nobody else remembers. especially this one.

this was 1988, man. 88! i was six years old!!

now this video is great for approximately 2,523 different reasons, and here are the top three:

-the hair. i was gonna say the clothes, but late 80s fashion is late 80s fashion. the hair is spectacular because this plainly shows us that back then, there were no hair or makeup teams. these chicks rolled outta bed, went straight for the procon gel and royal crown hair grease, slapped on some baby hair, and said ‘i am ready for the entire music world to see me now.’

-the sappy lyrics. i dont think i have to expound there.

-the ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS SINGING. i really dont have to say nothin else there.

its great. it’s just so great anyway you look at it.

i would like to herald Anquette as heroes of black music. thank you, Anquette, for paving the way for other talentless musical acts; without you, Ashanti, T-Boz, and Mary J Blige* would have never found record deals. we salute you.

*YEAH, I SAID IT.

dear god: please put mary j. on crack again.

please wait until i’ve spoken my piece before u judge me. thanks.

so mary j blige used to be one of my favorite singers ever when i was younger. i can remember sittin in the middle of my floor as a wee babe writing a letter to mary as if mary would open and read it. i put a picture of myself in it and everything. i was sending it to her fan club’s address. the letter came back, btw. welcome to my most painful moment of rejection ever. well, second to my dad runnin out on me and all. how come my father dont want me, man?! (c) will smith.. yall member that episode?? child abandonment is entertaining!

..so anyway. big fan of mary j. she did two of my favorite albums of all time–‘what’s the 411’ (i bought the remix album. how come they dont do remix albums no more?) and ‘my life.’ like… man, i can remember sittin in ms. bonee’s 7th grade whatever class.. i think she taught some sort of science, and i would sit in that class and write the lyrics to my favorite songs in poem form cause the teacher was dense and no one ever listened to her. one afternoon some jackhole of a boy snatched my paper as i was writin the lyrics to ‘my life’ and took it to the teacher. she read it and then she looked at me with a squinted, hopeful eye as a paperwad flew past her head and asked, gingerly:

‘did you write this?’

and i cld tell that she thought she had discovered the next great poet of our time. but i said no, and a second wad of paper smacked her in the side of the head, and so ends that tender moment.

the point im takin so long to make is that 90s mary j blige was *awesome.* im talkin biggie smalls hook sangin, k-ci from jodeci lovin, bubble coat wearin, grand puba co-rhymin mary. like i mean, im glad that she’s happy. really. im just gettin tired of hearin about it. it’s what i call the india(dot)aire effect. india has an awesome voice (mary, not so much though, id argue), and the stuff she sang about on her first album was really, really important. and it wasnt less important on the second album.. it was just like an unneccessary exclamation point to the first. and by the third it was just fucking annoying. OKAY. WE GET IT. YOU’RE NOT YOUR HAIR AND YOU LOVE YOURSELF. STFU. i see mary travelling the saaaaaaaaaaaaame worn path.

now u may be askin urself, ‘self, how come it doesnt get annoying when folk only sing about pain and trials and hardships?’ because, man, that’s the stuff that makes *good* music. great pain breeds great art. ain’t that how the sayin goes? is that even a saying at all? if not, it is now, cite me when u use it. but really. more people know drama better than sublime, uninterrupted happiness, i think. plus happy people are just grating after awhile, no? i dunno. maybe its just me.

this whole train of thought was brought to you by the letters L, Q, the number pi, and David Gregory’s superbowl shuffle (i swagger jacked this from wonkette.com).

now i think it’s awesome that gregory likes mary j blige. but how completely and utterly dope would it be if he liked mary j blige featuring craig mack?? uber awesome.

but really, im happy mary got her life back together. i still say one last album production-long relapse wouldn’t hurt nobody.