Tag Archives: MTV

dear dr. drew: a love letter.

i'd love to see YOUR loveline, doctor. HAW HAW HAW!

as i sit here watching you talk to a bunch of kids who had babies, i kind of can’t help myself.  it’s emotional porn, the way you spread your caring around, how you caress those on the stage with the softness of your voice but put a little bass in it when someone decides to get loud and wrong.  the way you lean in and peer into the center of someone’s eyes when they speak.  the way you listen.  like, really, really listen.  sigh.  you speak to that need in me, the unscratchable itch that screams “OMFG I DON’T CARE ABOUT WHATEVER SPORT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW.  I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAY, CAN I FUCKING DO THAT, PLEASE?!”  you are the human embodiment of a shopping spree, a walking bowl of chocolate covered winning lottery tickets dipped in good dreams and free foot rubs.  just win.  just so full of win.

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kanye and taylor: 1 year later.

okay, so.  i’m not following kanye west on twitter because… i don’t know why.  probably because everybody else was so geeked about it (my number 1 rule in life is basically “if you like it, i hate it.”), and also because i couldn’t picture him saying anything beyond something along the lines of ‘IM SO GREAT!’  ‘OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW GREAT I AM?’ ‘WHY WON’T YOU LET ME BE GREAT?’ ‘ITALIAN CLOTHES I CAN’T EVEN SAY LET ALONE SPELL!’  and… i was kind of right about that.  but i must say that i’ve finally found an odd appreciation for kanye’s tweets, and it’s the same appreciation that i have for 50 Tyson‘s tweets.  i kind of love the ones that are just completely batshit and make me scratch my head and say ‘….wat?’

this could have EASILY come from kanye.

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watch the VMAs with me!

hey, babies!

long time no type, eh?  sorry.  ive been lazy busy.  but!  for all the twitterers out there, i’ll be live tweeting during the VMA festivities this afternoon, starting at 8!  i guess i should have posted this earlier, but i just got the genius idea to.  anyway, if you’re followin me, come watch!  if you’re not following me, WHAT IN THE BLEEDING HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM??!  get on it! (acct is private, but send me a request and i’ll add you!)

making the band 4-season 2, ep. 2: ‘say no to bitchassness!’

first fights of the season!  yes!  they were rather  tames ones, but still.  i smell blood in the water so i’ll likely be circling this failboat til next week’s show.  on with the recap:

in this week’s episode, puff pappy daddy draws national attention to a disease that is apparently ravishing too many young people:  bitchassness.  its the number one killer of domestic cats  (© debbie downer).  we also find a new reason to lust for will, celebrate the tuning up of aubrey’s weave, and forget that donnie matters to anything cause he was only on screen for like 25 seconds.  literally.

BUSINESS:  the three acts were told to each work on a song, individually, and when they were done, puff pitty was to listen and critique them.  now i got excited cause puff has absolutely no tact when it comes to criticizing people.  when the guys (by the way, their group name is Day 26.  lol.  wackalicious!) got to recording, the one dude, whose name i think is robert but since im not sure will instead be referred to as Jerome, got all whiny and cry-y because they didnt give him a verse or a lead or hell even a full word on the track they were to do.  the dudes thought it was wack of him, so they told him so.  later on. …in front of puff. 

i dont remember who got the ball rolling there, but willy was the most vocal of the group on the matter.  granted… jerome really did need to shut the fuck up.  and willy wasn’t wrong for feelin some kinda way about dude’s pouting.  but how u gon call dude out in front of the boss like that?!  he cld have just as easily pulled poor romey rome aside and said what he had to say.  i thought that was a bit of a bitchassed move.  and i wasn’t the only one who smelled bitchassity afoot–so did puff.  only he smelled it on robert.

lol.  it was kind of bizarre, imo.  puffy poppy pips then goes on to express his concern for jerome’s health, what with the bitchassness killing his immune system at all.  he warned him of the dangers of disease for a long time.  a really long time.  jerome made this face:

jeromefrown.jpg

i think it’s good that puff stepped in though.  Rome clearly has all the symptoms:  liquification of neck muscles resulting in an inability to hold one’s head up.  corner-mouth sag.  broken spirit.  loss of self-esteem.  visible feelings of betrayal.  wack tattoos.  dude was in DANGER.  in addition to saving him from this horrid illness, my sources tell me that the Society for Bitchassness Research has selected poppy daddy to be their spokesperson.  a PSA is in production as we speak.  everybody wins!

the good news in all of this is that even though i had to kind of turn my nose up at willy for goin at dude in front of osama bin puffy, i gave him a pass since he used the word ‘dissident‘ in one of his tirades over the whole situation.  im a word whore, what can i say.  get out your easter suits and dresses; the marriage is still on.  on to the subplot!

PLEASURE:  apparently bad boy artists are only allowed to date each other.  that’s how all these little star bellied sneetches are acting, just slobbering all over each other, callin dibs and what not like there aren’t a grillion other people in the world for them to do the grownup with.  but whatever.  makes for otherwise sub-par good tv, so i’ll allow it.

so Q, the 19 year old with the donkey teeth, and Dawn, the one with the acceptable weave and weird facial proportions, go out on a date.  they were supposed to double with Jerome (i really do think he name might be robert) and D. Wig Cap (known also D. Woods), but Jerome is apparently very, very bad at picking up on hints.  when he shows up at the girl’s room to get Wig Cap and roll out, she’s still very much in her bed, very much not going anywhere.

model is wearing pieces from SeanJohn’s ‘Hell Naw’ collection.
(gravely uninterested expression not included)

before the guys got there, she and Aubrey looked dude up on myspace, tryin to find some dirt on him and apparently find the page of somebody named Junebug who has a bunch of ‘i love jerome’ shit on her page, complete with pictures of the two of them all hugged up.  when Rome comes in, she shows him the page, he gets defensive, they start goin at it, and keep goin at it long enough for Dawn and Q to leave, go eat, and come back.

there’s not too much to say abt their date.  it was a date.  Dawn looks weird.  i feel bad sayin that tho because she mentions, or at least hints at her self esteem being low, particularly in her past.  somehow that made me like her a little more.  still, i am concerned for the dental life of their future children.  Dawn got dolphin teeth, Q got donkey teeth.  what do donkin teeth look like?  does the world really need to find out?

“ooh lawd–hold my donkin!”

in the end, Jesus took the wheel and drove them all to church.  Jerome got all that bitchassedness out of him (turns out all u need is a negro spiritual and a couple of vitamin c drops.  clears it right up.) and (supposedly) nailed the part of the song he was given. the dudes all apologized,  Dawn and Q are secretly planning for those little donkins, and everything is once again fine and dandy. 

next episode, maybe we’ll find out if donnie is still alive or not.

Making the Band 4-season 2, ep. 1

either i’m outgrowing my past beloved trashy reality tv shows, or my beloved trashy reality tv shows are getting boring.

that said, im still gonna hold out hope for Making the Band, mainly because of the fights promised later on down the line. 

i think i remember watching danity kane’s season, but for the life of me i cant remember too much abt it, so im sort of just getting to know the female cast of characters this season.  i remember andrea being really, really pretty, and i remember the married chick’s mouth doing something disturbingly weird when she sang.   she looks like a weird mix of a bird and the joker from batman (pick any version, she look like all of em).  and i remember aubry just looking kind of… cleanly dirty.  like if you gave pig pen a bath, he wldnt be dirty any more, but he still wldn’t look clean, you know what i mean?  her weave is horrible and it looks like it smells like bacon grease and lemon pledge. 

and then the others… i just didnt really remember at all.  but to cover them all, here’s a group photo.  they managed to clean them up nicely, at least.

dkane.jpg
that’s jokermouth over on the right hand side.

i’m really having trouble understanding why poppa diddy puffa puff picked this particular hodgepodge of girls.  they harmonize well together but they dont blow me away, and individually, their voices are forgettable.. they’re not very pretty, imo, with the exception of andrea.  well, i guess that not true.. the one darkskinned girl with the asymmetrical wig cap is pretty, but the fact that she has a fucking wig cap renders her attractiveness nearly *totally* null and void.  that’s some philly shit that she just needs to leave alone.

so that’s the girls.  onto the guys.. though they have better voices, im finding the lot of them forgettable, too.  the ones that stood out in my memory are willy (DELICIOUS) and the big dude.

willy
i’d make a sammich out of him..
..but he looks hungry all the time.

so basically the format of the show–

oh wait, there’s the big eared over-gelled mouse lookin kid too.  picture you’re typical bleached blond jersey boy and you’ll pretty much have it right.

so basically the format of the show is that all three acts–danity kane, the dudes (do they have a band/group name yet?) and donnie, the solo act (hey look!  i remembered another name!) will all live underneath one roof and work on their albums.  they have 5 months to complete the best album possible.  the losers will get fed to puffy poppa diddy bop’s league of midget minions.  the winner/s get their very own shiny suits and a prayer circle led by Mase (eh-eh, eh-eh). 

puffy pop pop kept the assholery to a minimum this episode, but im praying that that will change, and it probably will.  to my surprise, he didnt call anyone fat, but he did get aubry to make this face:

puff:  ‘yo weave aint gon fuck up my money!

lol.  he basically told her that she’s wack and she needs to not be wack or she’s outta there like a Destiny’s Child member. 

here’s basically what happened the rest of the show:

*everyone gets in a limo to go out, boys sit on one side, girls on the other*

aubry:  how come u guys are so quiet?!

guys:  ….

*everyone gets in the club, has some shots*

girls:  woooo!

boys:  YEEEEAH!

girls:  WOOOOOO!

boys:  DAAANG!

girls:  OMG OMG OMG WOOOO!

*cut to shot of donnie & aubry*

aubry:  im gonna be ur succubus, lol!

donnie:  cool, what’s that?

aubry:  *booty in crotch*

donnie:  WOOOO!

*cut to random shot*

aubry: omg, boys, we’re danity kane!

*cut to a different random shot*

aubry:  do u know who we are?  we’re danity fucking kane!

*lather, rinse, repeat*

aubry:  i dont need your money, im in danity kane and we went platinum!

me: BITCH STFU.

overall it was cool for what it was, but it wasnt all that (c) ______________.*  but granted, its just the first show.  they havent had time to hate each other yet, but its a-comin.

tell u what tho, i miss boom kat already.  😦  oh btw, remember that 15 minutes of fame she’s been milking album she’s been workin on?  listen to a cut from it here

* – if u cant place that quote, me & u aint friends no more.

** – i jacked all these pics from mtv.com.