Tag Archives: politics

what would jesus wear?

so designers everywhere are clamoring to get michelle’s bits and pieces into their designs for her boo’s inauguration.  i just took a look at some of the sketches and she’s got some great choices!  unfortunately, she has some sucky ones too.

these caught my eye, for better or for worse:

 

 

 

Monique Lhullier.  i really like this one because i think michelle’s skin tone carries red really, really well, and she’s got like 1800 miles of legs to rock that dress with.  perfect for the length and flourish of the dress.  go nique!

 

 

 

  Continue reading

george bush pardons john forte

Monday, November 24, 2008 — WASHINGTON, D.C.:  The presidential tradition of manic pardoning continued today, with soon-to-be former President George W. Bush issuing pardons to 14 chosen convicted and jailed persons around the nation, and commuting the sentences of two others.  Among the names on the list are Paul Julian McCurdy of Sulphur, Okla., sentenced for misapplication of bank funds; Daniel Figh Pue III of Conroe, Texas, convicted of illegal treatment, storage and disposal of a hazardous waste without a permit; Leslie Owen Collier of Charleston, Mo., who pleaded guilty in 1995 to unlawfully killing three bald eagles in southeast Missouri; and rapper John Forte.

Forte was arrested in 1994 after being caught with a suitcase containing 30 pounds of liquid cocaine at a US airport, of all places.  He was sentenced to 14 years in prison, but is now faced with 5 years of probation after Bush’s decision to issue a pardon, a decision that, frankly, caught many people off guard.  We spoke with an insider in the Bush camp to get some background information on just what brought this decision about.

“It’s pretty simple,” said an aid speaking on the condition of anonymity.  “Well, in his mind it’s pretty simple.  He said to us, ‘look–‘” here, he lifted his arms slightly, jutted his head forward, and curled his lips into a smart alec yet completely oblivious and dead beyond the surface sneer, seemingly in impression of President Bush– “‘look, uh, y’know.. uh, the people wanted change and now they got this uh, this.. this color–this brown guy up fixin to be presidunt.  I, yknow, I’m in a heap’a shit, heheheh… we’re on the playground and erv’body wants to be on his team, so yknow what, rather than be on that court with no team, I’m gon’ git right off and be cheerleader instead.  Heheheheheheh.'”  When asked to expound on what the President may have meant, he said plainly, “Black is the new black!  The new president’s black, he’s appointing a lot of black people to White House positions.  Everybody hates the President and he’s trying to fix that.  He’s trying to get in on this new trend.  By pardoning John Forte.  Cause Forte’s a rapper.  And black people like rap.  ‘I’m cool with ’em now, heheheheheh!'”

We then contacted a man who is currently imprisoned and has been fighting for his release, along with some notable names in the entertainment industry, Mumia Abu-Jamal, who was convicted of murdering a police officer and sentenced to life in 1981.  Asked to comment, he said, “Ain’t this about a bitch??!”

The Impoverished Times


bob cesca to joe lieberman: ‘u R teh sux0rs, n00b!’

i love bob cesca.  i thought i had him in my links, but apparently i didnt before today.  bob is an all around awesome writer & thinker and owner of the best blog name EVER.  he’s got a new book out too!  he’s also a contributor to the Huffington Post, where i ran across his open letter to Joe Lieberman today.  its a great read, but a long one, so i’ll only post pieces and portions here.  if you havent been by his blog yet, you should sooooooooo go.  now.  quickly.  RUN!

Dear Senator Lieberman,

Congratulations! You got away with it! So despite having supported and endorsed the Republican candidate for president — and going so far as to question the patriotism of the Democratic nominee — you’ve managed to keep your chairmanship. By rights, you should’ve been summarily ejector-seated from your committees, bonked on the head with your gavels — cartoon-style — and hauled from the Democratic caucus naked and on a rail whilst being pelted with wadded-up copies of your RNC address.

You got away with it, despite those meddling kids, right?

Not so fast.

I submit to you, Senator Lieberman, that you were punished yesterday more than you realize. Stick with me on this. I’ll explain.

Continue reading

somewhere, the debarge brothers are dancing in the streets.

& im half sure theyre wearing these same outfits.

& im half sure they're wearing these same outfits.

because, ladies and gaydies, at long, long last, light-skinded men are coming back in style.  hooray!

this comes after the delicious, delicious appointment of barack “sexy casserole” obama and more recently, his appointment of caramel cream colored Eric Holder as Attorney General today.

now, granted, he is no where near touching the all-eclipsing sexiness that is barack o-damn-he’s-fine-bama.  but i mean, i dunno.  if he lost the 80s porn star stache and maybe got a tight little fade goin?  maybe?  we could work with him then?  i dunno. its tough when this man is your competition.

at any rate, Holder’s sexiness isn’t the real point, nor is his porn stache (& thank bob for that).  this is a big day for the light skinned penis-having contingent of this great nation!  everybody knows that when wesley snipes stepped on the scene and malik yoba (he used to be fine, yall remember?) & morris chestnut swooped in as reinforcements, light skinned dudes have kinda been on the back burner.  oh and then djimon hounsou came along and that was IT. what actually did it for me, though, was the 4 years i spent in college.  as ive mentioned, i went to pretty much the whitest school ever created, and while there i became absolutely hungry for ANYTHING black.  so when it came to men, it was the blacker the better for me.  i wanted to be able to put my head on his chest and hear fuckin… sahara war drums beatin, nahmsayin?  i wanted to be able to lick this dude and taste the diaspora.  i needed to be able to just.. just damn, hold his hand and feel the souls of a thousand cotton plants livin in them shits, you know??  that’s how *I* crossed over.

but this aint about me.  let i refocus.

light skinnnit dudes, it’s lookin up!  yall crawlin back in the spotlight!  with wesley’s dumb ass goin to jail and denzel’s prose unable to save him,  and with a few more appointments like this, yall might end up on top again!

i wanted to see how light skinnnedned men around the nation felt about this, so i pulled some strings and talked briefly with a few well-known folks in the black community.  in a B.mc.P Exclusive, i will now share those conversations with you.  first up:  Morris Day.

Continue reading

too much, even for me?

if anyone has read more than three entries here, then you know how i feel about Obama’s sexiness.  and what you know is the tame version.  if i told you how i REALLY felt, you’d look at me like this.  and then you’d be all like this.  but, i bet at least one or two of yall freaks would be like this, and i worry for your souls as much as i do mine.

but, my friends, as big an Obama perv as i am, i saw this and & i was like THIS.

0_o

i got this from bourgie who got it from glennisha morgan who got it from necole bitchie.

now, this really made me check my pervishness.  a lot of people see this as disrespectful.  if so, then is my open unbridled lusting for him disrespectful too?  i dunno.  this is extra and a mess, but iono that id call it disrespectful.  but, i gotta try and put myself in barack or michelle’s shoes.  if i was barack id either think A – fuck them, they’re calling me a dick, pretty much; or B – hell yeah!  bitches want me in they vajayjays!  if i was michelle, i might feel peeved.  or, maybe id shrug my shoulders and say ‘ah well.  he’s famous.  people fantasize about famous ppl all the time.’  or maybe id be like, ‘let them hoes dream abt havin him while he’s laid up with me.  I WIN YOU LOSE.’  i dunno.

do yall feel this is disrespectful?  funny?  just plain sad?

come tell me about your Barack Day!

okay first things first:

DIDN’T THAT MAN LOOK DELICIOUS ON THE TV LAST NIGHT YALL?!?!

oh my sweet, sweet jesuschild!!!!!  he was SCRUMPTIOUS!!  he had been lookin kinda old and kinda tired, but last night they got them clippers out, hooked up the hairline, shaped up the brows, moisturized the hell out of his skin, and BAM!  President Sexy reporting for duty!  WOO!

now that that’s out of the way,

CONGRATULATIONS YALL!!  im gonna have a long winded wordy response potentially with some pictures later on, prolly tomorrow, but really quickly i want to share with you the three greatest/most hilarious things i witnessed last night.

#1 – i was at an election night watch party at Sole Food here in philadelphia.  free drinks (sort of), free food (i never saw none), and a DJ.  after Obama won a key state, i cant remember which one it was…. the line dances start.  seriously, it was the blackest thing ive ever witnessed.  the cupid shuffle followed by the cha cha slide (has the cha cha slide officially replaced the electric slide??  cause they didnt play that one.  i dont think i’ll stand for that)

#2 – out on market street, right near city hall where they’re doing some drilling and work on the street, two construction workers (black) are sitting.  well one is sitting, the other is standing and leaning down to the other guy and says loudly, through a laugh:  ‘WE GON HAVE FRIED CHICKEN TOMORROW!!’ i instinctively dropped my head, but then i felt torn.  i said, ‘o, my brother, i am shamed.  but somehow.. i want to join you.’

#3 – this was perhaps my favorite.  i saw, with my two own very eyes, a white man walking the streets yelling: FREEDOM!  WE’RE FREE!!! FREEDOM!!

yall.  white people are in the streets proclaiming freedom… i think it’s official now.  lol!

the streets of downtown philadelphia were beautiful last night.  it looked exactly the way i imagine Juneteenth looked when i think abt it.

what was it like in your city??  did people take to the streets?

where did u watch it?  where were you when you realized he got it?

what was your initial reaction?

did you cry?

did you get drunk?

did you take off work today??

tell me all about it!  run!  run to the comments!  at least three people have to because otherwise i’ll look like the kid sitting by herself in the lunchroom!!!

1/2 of my fantasy

a wet barack obama?  check.

a wet and NAKED barack obama?  still workin on it.

pics via the huffington post.

so. this ashley todd mccain mugging business. UPDATE: she confessed.

****update on the update.  looks like the little ratfink confessed.  she really, REALLY better apologize to EVERYBODY b/c there’s nobody that she hasn’t run afoul of with this story.  she insulted obama supporters, mad mccain supporters look bad, and clearly thought that the entire nation was dumb enough to believe that wack ass B and sparkly makeup black eye.  i mean it, i want a joe the plumber type press conference held in her driveway with jimmy swaggart ‘I HAVE SINNED AGAINST YOU!!’ type tears.

simple bitch.  ugh.

**update:  lol, folks are ON IT.  check out ashleyislying.wordpress.com for more details & inconsistancies**

as a woman, i wont lie.  it is my inclination to believe a woman’s claims of being attacked by a man, because im of the opinion that it’s more dangerous to disbelieve such claims and be incorrect than it is to believe them and be wrong.  i’m a woman’s woman, what can i say.

but flat out, this story is WAAAY too fishy for me to be believing.

if you havent heard, check this link.  quick synopsis:

-woman in pittsburgh @ an atm gets roughed up and robbed at knifepoint.  cool, i can believe that.

-the assault happens out of eyeshot of the security cameras.  at a bank.  you know how many security cameras are strung up at banks?  whatever tho.. sometimes the stars align in such a way and things happen.

-at some point, he notices that the girl has a McCain bumper sticker on her car, gets incensed, decides to ‘teach her a lesson’ (supposedly a direct quote from him to the girl) and proceeds to rough her up, ending with the carving of the letter ‘B,’ presumably for ‘Barack’ into her face.

*RECORD SCRATCH*

what?!  like.  …what??!  do we even need to talk abt why this is suspicious?  how does a man who has just robbed and beat up a woman have the time or presence of mind, what with all the ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU GET CAUGHT! adrenaline coursing through his veins, to just hang around and watch her go to her car AND peep the bumper sticker??  what kind of man who apparently feels that he has to rob someone to get money rationalize potentially getting caught by sticking around some more to make a political statement???  if you in the streets like that, how are politics that heavy on your mind??  

no, i say.  here’s where she needs more people, in the immortal words of Jay-Z, and i need to see a picture.  and im in luck.  

the ‘B’ is backwards.

.

unless she took this picture while aiming her camera at a mirrored reflection, this would mean that the mugger, frantic & hopped up on adrenaline, and armed with a knife, wrestling with a struggling victim and pressed for time, steadied himself AND her enough to SCRATCH–not carve–a pretty steadily formed letter into her face, taking care not to apply too much pressure to break the skin with his knife (note:  knifes are typically pretty sharp), and concentrated enough to, for some reason, write the letter BACKWARDS.

come on, now.

i highly encourage you to check out what the intellects (ha) at okayplayer are saying on it.  there’s some pretty delicious conspiracy theorizing going on, and this time it actually makes sense.  things get suspiciouser (ie – after the attack, she refused medical attention and, though she didn’t know where she was, managed to make her way to a friend’s house in an unfamiliar city/part of time.  …riiiiight).

what i wanted to call attention to though, is her myspace page.  her quote reads:  lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it’s better if you do.

…wooooow. i almost stood up and said ‘no further questions, your honor’ after that.  then i realized i would have been talking to myself and decided against it.  also, it looks like she took one of those annoying little quizzes that myspacers seem to love to take and share with everyone (‘I’M A CARRIE!  WHICH SEX IN THE CITY BROAD ARE YOU?!’).  this one asks the question, ‘how will you die?’  her result:  ‘political assasination.’

Your obsession with power will eventually be the end of you when you’re shot down by members of your own cabinet.

Rough way to go. We recommend writing up a good will, and shredding any documents that might paint you as a shady character. The last thing you need is your political legacy being destroyed when greedy relatives ransacking your mansion discover that you plagiarized your book report in fourth grade.

…yeah.  either Dionne Warwick really does have some psychic abilities, or…. yeah.

plus, she twittered about it.  OMG THIS IS SO SCARY!  WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO??  I KNOW, I’LL TWEET!  wtf.  give me a break please, someone.  expeditiously.

even that hardcore conservative chick doesn’t believe it.  and if SHE has decided to put down her cup of koolaid on this one, i think we could all stand to look twice at this pot of bullshit stew.

sorry, ash.  you’re walkin this one without me, my sister.

thanks to okp for all the links & theorem.

wtf, philly metro. + way to go, j. andrew!

i meant to write to the metro (one of philly’s free newspapers) abt this, but i got sidetracked and then i just plum forgot. 

philly metro has gotten into this thing lately where they attempt to be funny and witty in their discussion of politics and the presidential race, right.  they sort of suck at it.  i love the metro, dont get me wrong but.. they just need funnier writers (IF YALL ARE READIN, GET AT ME).  in monday’s edition, someone wrote a segment called ‘5 things that can win it for mccain or obama.’   according to their list, the number 3 thing that john mccain can do, and i quote directly:

Get Michelle Obama to look as angry as you do.  People don’t like you because of your attitude?  Have you seen this woman?  She’s ready to go ghetto on someone’s ass.

now, im an asshole.  i appreciate the assholishness of others so long as it stops short of ignorance.  im not mad that they talkin abt Michelle lookin angry.  everybody looks angry sometimes!  but (can you guess what im finna say here?)…

WHY SHE GOTTA BE READY TO GO GHETTO THO??  i mean honestly!  if she was white she wldnt be no kindsa ghetto.  but naw, michelle’s bout to go ghetto.  sigh.  graduating from princeton and harvard, becoming a lawyer, and being poised to move into the white house apparently still aint enough for some folks to separate blackness and ghettoness.  lame move, metro.  someone with a better grasp of comedy and comedic writing wldnt have to take such a lazy leap tryin to get some laughs.  TWO DEMERITS FOR YOU.

monday’s metro saving grace came on the following page though, but not from its own writers; a one J. Andrew Smith of Bloomfield, NJ, sent in a letter to the paper, and i thought what he said makes a great quote so i wanted to share it:

Setting the record straight on Obama.  Let the record state:  Obama is 50% white, 50% black, 100% American, 100% Christian, 0% Muslim and 0% terrorist.  He represents a 100% change from Bush, not McCain’s 10%, and although less than 100% of Republicans are racists, 100% of racists vote Republican.

heh!  shut em down, J!

the white* al sharpton??!

ive seen this dude & ive thought this before.  but, republican CNN contributor alex castellanos?

..it might be some secrets in the sharpton family tree, yall

if these two aint blood, they at least go to the same hairdresser.  and if they ARE blood, then poor aesthetic decision making clearly runs in the family.

but i aint one to gossip.

*i know he’s cuban, but ‘the cuban al sharpton?!’ isn’t nearly as entertaining. 

1 | 2