is this really the best way to sell shit to black people?

im thinking it must be.  cause i mean the way i see it, and ladies, maybe you’ll feel me here, but you know that dude that steps to you mad inappropriately as you’re on your way to work or the bus or wherever you may be going?  ‘damn shawty that ass is fat!  yo man can’t treat that right, let me hold that real quick!’ now for us classy broads with standards and offendable sensibilities, we are appalled.  we are disgusted that this motherfucker just stepped to us that way, that he thinks this is a good idea.  we cannot believe that this works on anyone, ever.

but it does!  it has to.  if it didnt work, he’d switch it up.  somewhere, somebody out there is giggling and taking out her eyeliner to write her number on his palm or some Zane-esque shit like that.

i feel like this is sort of the same thing.  im sittin on my couch and im just bombarded with black people doin spoken word tryna sell me some shit and i just get so angry.  like yo!  why is this the way you feel like you need to communicate with me, mcdonald’s?  is Rhyme the secret native language of African America?  subway, what is your excuse?  are you tryin to make up for the lack of hot sauce and collard greens in ur new tuscan chicken melt by wrapping it in really bad poetry?  i will grant you this though.. the last dude?  the one that goes ‘whaaaaaat?‘  he’s type funny.  i will approve of him. but nothing else!

but really though, it has to be working.  its been goin on for far too long.  i think maybe it’s the safe bet on how to reach out to black people.  poetry is corny, pretentious and masturbatory classy.  big natural hair is like a two-for-one affirmative action special the international symbol for self-love and acceptance, superficially/stereotypically.  SOMEbody is sittin at home when this shit comes on, headwrapped in a cloud of nag champa, makin plans to get a mccafe to give as an offering to please the god Shango.  i just know it.  who is it?  who amongst you is it?? STAND AND BE RIDICULED!

i know these aint new but i been meanin to publicly shake my head at them for awhile.

hate that damn guy.  not dwele, the dude in the beginning.  ask me, this is way cooler.

6 responses to “is this really the best way to sell shit to black people?

  1. My other favorite is how they play these commercials in select markets and on select channels… like we’re stupid and won’t notice…


  2. eyekneeduhname

    This is a pretty dope post. And all of this time, I just thought these guys were stupid and haven’t yet realized their lines weren’t working. I never thought that perhaps these men are getting their thirst quenched by some girl (s)..The thought that there are ladies out here flattered by these “ay lil mami” catcalls is..well..i can’t even find an adjective that would best describe my sentiments, but I’m sure you get the point.
    And as for Dwele and his whipped creme, I’m lovin’ it!

  3. I think ol’ dude that says that Tuscan chicken makes him flex his chest is mad suss.

  4. personally i think advertisers would be better off targeting our intrinsic human nature rather than perceived idealized caricatures of their target market. here’s a great example of advertising doing just that, w/ forethought and compassion:

  5. this had me in *tears.* i swear. i’d forgotten all abt that subway ad (only saw it once), but i remember thinking at the time, “why the hell is a chick w/ a baby stroller pausing on the sidewalk to wax pseudo-poetic (complete w/ hand gesticulations) abt a sandwich?”

    also: i’ve met that “makes me flex my chest” guy. page kennedy. he acts like that in person.

  6. Ummm yeah. I feel ya on this one. lol Uh oh…I said ya… now watch in the next McDs commercial, there is going to be a rap with the word ya written across the screen. I can just feel it. I know one thing, I ain’t lovin it.

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