Monthly Archives: July 2008

cnn’s ‘black in america’



i want to begin this entry by giving props for good intentions.  it was really well intended. but.

basically the message i took from it is that if you’re black and living in america, you’re either light skinned and the member of a family of generations of college graduates, or you’re a dirt poor single parent with hypertention, diabeetus, and potentially HIV.

my biggest issue, first and foremost, was that motherfucking kangol wearing spoken word dude.  WHAT THE DAMN HELL.  WHY MUST SPOKEN WORD BE PRESENT IN EVERY EXHIBITION OF BLACKNESS.  like, is this the new alternative to gun-toting dope-slangin gangbanger imagery that we’re trying to shake?  you can’t do that with nothin but a wack ass poem?  really?  GO AWAY.  GO TO HELL AND GO AWAY.  IN THAT ORDER.

second to that, i found the lack of explanation of all the problems that black people have disturbing.  like how can you discuss the wuthering differences in the educations that blacks receive vs. whites without saying two words about brown vs. the board of education?  the only way that link could be more direct is if it had a neon sign on its head, blinking ‘OH SHIT! THIS IS WHY RON-RON CAN’ T READ, YALL!’  and the dude raising his two kids alone who was being put out of his apartment?  it was explained that they were living in poverty, and that there are countless numbers of other black ppl living in poverty as well.  so im like okay…. why is he living in poverty?  just b/c he’s black?  lol is this encoded in our genes or something?  am i not black because i am not impoverished, but rather balling out of control, poppin bottles and collars with each step i take through life?  you know what i mean?  now, i have a good idea of why they’re impoverished, because as a black person, i know how it is.  but to the unblack people out there watching.. i sat and wondered at the ponderances that the lack of explaining allowed for.  my boss, sitting in his million dollar home outside of the city limits, could see a man unable to feed his children and think, ‘oh, he’s not trying hard enough,’ or ‘he’s probably on drugs, living on welfare’ or somethin like that.  there was no context or history given to a lot of the problems.  let ‘black in america’ tell it, black people have hypertension because a slave master licked the cheek of his slaves and put them on boats to the middle passage because they tasted salty enough.

…what in corseted confederate hell?

like.  i dont think its possible to have a discussion on the shit stuck to the bottom of black america’s shoes without talking about slavery (beyond some freak licking his slaves).  that’s what has us in the messes we’re in today.  not totally and completely of course, but you know what i mean.    the huge disparity in wealth, white privilage.  black and white america are still essentially living separately, and the root of all those problems can be traced directly to slavery.

problem is, white people (generally) do not respond well to discussions of slavery at all.  maybe that’s why they left it out.  i mean i assume that that’s largely who this series is created for anyway, and if they want white people to watch it, they can’t scare them away as soon as it starts.  i find that when you bring it up, a lot of white folk are prone to get defensive, and wonder why we just won’t forget it, why not let it go and move on, why are we punishing white people today for the sins of their ancestors.  which, of course, sensible black people do not and will not do.  its not trying to hold current day white people accountable for slavery, its explaining how we *all* got into this mess.  but, trying to get that point across is like trying to squeeze mo’nique in a latex jumper without oiling her up first. 

OH!  oh, and this really rubbed sandpaper on my spleen.. the discussion of black women dating white men?  HA!  so basically there arent any black women who date outside their race just cause they want to.  its because there arent any good black men available.  rotfl.  that’s hogwash, let me tell you, because i know for a fact that there are good black men out there, but im currently taking applications for vanilla cones cause my credit is JACKED and that’s not a good look in this speedballing-to-fucking-hell economy.  not because there aren’t any good black men out there.

i dunno.  i guess it was cool for what it was though.  i find it remarkable that CNN decided to embark on this journey in the first place.  i was actually suspicious.  like ‘wait.. it’s not black history month.  wtf is this about?’

in cnn’s defense,  when trying to tell the story of millions of people, literally, you have to generalize.  i just wish they had done a more inclusive job of it.. it basically just reaffirmed the images that a good portion of white america has of black america.

i cant say whether i’ll be tuning in tonight or not.  if that spoken word bastard is there then that’s a DEFINITE no.  i hate his ass.

intrusive owl-faced cotton ball of the day


internet douchebags revealed: mr. cool ice



so every blog entry or article or photo montage of terrible tattoos that ive ever seen has included this guy. his name (clearly) is mr. cool ice. i saw him again today while scrolling through this slideshow and finally decided to google and find out exactly who this jerkwad is.

apparently there’s a video of him out there, talking abt himself and basically explaining the fuckery that covers his body and entire life, by proxy. cept it was in german. this guy got somebody to translate it though, so if you were as curious as i have been, praise the baby moses, cause here’s your answers, you bastards. quick fact sheet:

-he spent over 6 thousand US dollars on that dumb shit. do you know what i could do with 6 thousand US dollars? i could buy 60,000 pieces of penny candy and fill my room with them and jump and dive and swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck used to do. and that would be money far better spent.

-he’s been going by the name ‘mr. cool ice’ for 13 years. my guess is that he adopted it in the days of Vanilla Ice’s reign and really ran with it. that’s about as smart as me getting ‘HD-DVD’ tatted on my ass. that is not always going to be the hot shit, brother, i regret to inform you.

-he’s german. oddly enough, that kind of explains all this for me.

the best thing about this guy’s existance is that his shit-ass name reminds me of the Cool Dr. Money episode on ‘my brother and me.’ lol remember that show? when dee dee got that wack ass haircut?

if you’re not watching ‘so you think you can dance’

you really, REALLY should be.   here’s why.

his name’s will.  he’s 21, supple, and potentially straight.

either way, he belongs hanging in a museum somewhere.

..or handcuffed to my bedpost.  RAWR

confrontational anteater of the day

that is an anteater, right?

see also:


thanks, d via don!

o snap! i missed my birthday!

well sort of

well okay, not really.

but, i finally broke 50,000 hits a few days ago and totally didnt even notice.  there would have been punch and pie for my faithful regulars (all two of you) if ida been payin attention.

anyway, here’s to you, my mrs. robinsons.  Brokey loves you more than you could know.


pic from  duh.

honesty: a social experiment

a self-portrait.

a self-portrait.

okay.  so this blog isn’t about me, ive said that several times.  or at least ive intended to say that several times.  so, as you read, know that this project is not directly about my devistating beauty, my magnetic personality, or my dazzling wit.  those are only backdrops.

so i have discussions with dudes all the time abt how they just want women to be straight up and honest with them, particularly during the act of hollerin. 

when im approached by someone on the street that im not interested in, and as a general rule, im RARELY interested in someone who would approach me with a street holla, i typically tell them that i have a boyfriend, which i dont, so that’s more or less a baldheaded lie (c) martin.  but to me, it seems to be the easiest option.  this dude is not just going to say ‘okay’ and go away when you say ‘no thank you’ to his dinner invitation to Red Lobster.  and truthfully, i dont have solid faith that ‘i have a boyfriend’ will work everytime, and it doesnt.  but i find that to be a quicker end to the line of questioning that comes with a variation of ‘im not interested.’ 

but still, every dude i talk to SWEARS that that’s what they prefer.  ‘just be straight up with me!  if u not interested, you not interested.’  so i decided ima put that to the test.

a couple of weeks ago i was approached by a young man.  can’t remember what he looked like; just a regular dude.  all that is inconsequential anyway.  so he begins:  how you doin what’s your name you look nice where u headed do u live around here blahdeblah whoopdewhoop.  im cordial, and i respond in kind–mama raised me right & im very sweet by nature (despite what the streets may tell you), so i dont immediately swat ppl away, unless im supremely irritated.  so then we get to maybe i can take u out/can i get your number/some such variation.  my first instinct is to positive-k this young man and go the ‘i got a man’ route (roger rabbit and all) but i steel myself and say:

‘no, thank you.’

now if my survey group was to be correct he would have tipped his fitted and said ‘have a nice day’ and pressed on with his life.  but instead i get:

‘oh, u got a man?’


‘what’s the problem with two grown folks steppin out then?’

there isn’t a problem; im just not particularly interested.

‘what, u like girls?’



and this is what happens more often than not!!  the direct approach, if the answer is negative, is unsatisfying.  9 times out of 10.. well, 3 times out of 4, i guess, cause ive only done this and noted the response abt 4 times.. and one time, only once did the young man say ‘alright, have a nice day’ once i politely declined.  3 times out of 4, the gentleman searches endlessly for an explanation.  ‘im not interested’ isnt enough.  but i guess maybe im just not pushing the honesty thing far enough.. maybe im posed to give a reason as to why im uninterested.  what if i aint interested because the dude is unattractive?  am i supposed to say that, in the name of being ‘straight up?’  id get cussed out.  not a doubt in my mind.  aint no dude gon walk away appreciative of being told that he’s ugly.

of course ‘i got a man’ isnt 100% solid and reliable.  typically the response to this is:  ‘oh, u can’t have friends?’  ggggrrrr–guys, DONT SAY THAT SHIT.  dont.  cause YOU’RE not being straightforward when you say that shit.  aint nobody that just tried to get to know your romantic side 2 seconds ago interested in being some broad’s ‘friend,’ and you know it.  you just tryna be dick-in-a-glass, on standby for emergencies, or a fly hidin in a corner waitin til the flyswatter is out so u can swoop in on that peach cobbler and get to nommin’

these are only my findings so far.  i know three dudes cant set the norm for millions, so im gonna keep tryin this out.

speaking of positive k, tho, i wonder what he’s doin right now?  prolly out invitin bitches to Red Lobster.  i wonder if he gets indignant when they tell him they got a man?

did u just tell me u got a man? BITCH AINT YOU NEVER HEARD MY SONG??! I DONT CARE!
did u just tell me u got a man? really?  did u really just say that to me? BITCH AINT YOU NEVER HEARD MY SONG??!


pic sources:  1 | 2

terrifying waterballoon of the day


i dont blame the guy.  that balloon is clearly out to eat some souls.

Stephen Baldwin drives Obama support up 37%

NEW YORK, NY — Last night, “actor” Stephen Baldwin appeared on Just In,  hosted by Laura Ingraham on Fox News, and discussed the myriad of celebrities who have spoken out in support of likely democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama compared to the scant number that has voiced support for republican John McCain.  Baldwin, a McCain supporter, voiced his suspicions regarding the now chummy duo of Obama and Hillary Clinton, pointing out that they hated each other only months before. 

Toward the end of the interview, the conversation then switched to his brother Alec’s support, and then, reminiscent of Alec’s proclamation that he would leave the country if George Bush was re-elected in 2004, Stephen made a similar declaration, saying that he would leave the country if Barack Obama wins the presidency.

“If Barack gets nominated,” he said, “I’ll be moving out of the country, I just wanna say that now.  Now watch all the media have fun with that.”

We haven’t seen much of the media having fun with it, but the Obama camp is partying today, as statistics show that after Stephen’s announcement, support for Obama has shot up 37% thus far, and the figure continues to increase, according to Associated Press. 

“Sounds like a win-win to me,” said Arden Quade, a local resident.  “I was for Obama anyway, but this is just another reason to add to the list.”

“It’s like a ‘buy one, get one free’ sale,” commented Georgie Green, another New York citizen.  “Or like findin’ two prizes in your cereal box.  Or like when you go get a #1 at McDonald’s when you’re really, really hungry and you eat all your food, and at the end you’re full but you’d kinda want a little more just cause it tasted real good, and then you look in your bag and you find like 5 or 6 fries left and they’re still warm.  This is just like that!

And it isn’t just the east coast; support for Obama has increased overnight, literally, all over the nation, solely because of Stephen Baldwin’s promise.  Routine Radley, an 84-year old self proclaimed racist from South Backwoods, Tennessee, has changed her support from McCain to Obama.

“I wudn’t gon’ vote for Obammy cause I don’t like [expletive]s,” she said to us.  “I hate ’em.  I ain’t never liked ’em.  I hate them, and I hate [expletive]s and I hate [expletive]s, and I REALLY hate [expletive]s, tho I don’t hate nunna them like I hate [expletive]s. Now of course, Obammy’s a [expletive], but I tell you what, that Baldwin  boy makes my dentures itch.”

Obammy 08.

©The Impoverished Times

pic sources:  1 | 2

seductive baby of the day

so i keep getting these great ideas for recurring themes/subjects in this blog but i always forget them.  or i’ll do one installment & then forget about it.

my latest idea is ‘thing of the day.’  it’ll be particularly helpful when i cant find anything i wanna type about (or am just too lazy to type about anything).  let’s see how long this will last, shall we?