roland s. martin: the s is for “swagger.” apparently.

hey,  hey, brotha.  remember last weekend when you were getting ready for the club, and you had on your finest steve harvey suit with your mint green gators, and you jumped back, intending to kiss yourself, but instead found yourself gazing in the mirror saying, “damn.  if only this outfit had just a little more roland s. martin.”

remember that? oh, it didn’t happen?  oh.

well… pretend it did and keep reading.

so apparently CNN correspondent and all around newsy guy Roland Martin thinks somebody wants his ascots.  and you know what?  maybe they do.  i don’t know.  i’m not hip.  i’m not cool.  as such, i have not the ability to refute the claimed fact that Roland Martin is “the new definition of swagger,” as claims this website he’s got up to sell his line of designer ascots and ties.  what’s that?  you thought that Old Spice pushed the word “swagger” overboard with their so named deoderant?  well, if they didn’t do it, Roland Martin surely will!

but wait, young brother!  don’t turn your noses up just yet!  just take a look at some of Mr. Martin’s finest specimens:

THE DISTRACTION

You’ve heard of The Situation–now take a look at The Distraction.  Spill some mustard on your khakis?  Missing a cufflink?  Got a big glob of Dax on your collar?  Never worry! With your neck swaddled in motherf#cking electric orange, I’m sure nobody will notice anything else you got goin on.

THEY CALL ME MR. TEAL!

You are strong, your are bourgie, you are privileged!  I mean, you’re wearing an ascot for shit’s sake.  That clearly says there’s something annoyingly distinguished about you.  But don’t let the haters get it twisted; the swag sewed into this ascot gives it that extra ‘umph’ that says to people, ‘Yes, I’m classier than you, but I will still threaten to beat women who step out of line.’

KAPPA ALPHA FLY

Went to school just to become a Kappa?  Didn’t make it?  Can’t get your tuition payments back?  Bummer!  But don’t worry too much; with this snazzy red and oh so subtle white embroidery, you front real tough.  Social acceptance by any means necessary!

if you’re turned on so far, by all means, take a look at the rest here.  personally, though, i don’t think i’d buy an ascot from a guy who doesn’t also sell monocles and top hats, but that’s just me.

(thanks to etfp for sharing this!)

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11 responses to “roland s. martin: the s is for “swagger.” apparently.

  1. At first look I thought those were awful …
    Neck Tattoo’s.

  2. and the only “clubs” my geezer azz has been in lately said …
    24 Hour Fitness on the door

  3. What the hay? I thought you had photoshopped that. This is real. Well got dammit. I hope he doesn’t make that ish popular when he moves here to DC.

  4. I think ascots are fly as hell. Now, my thick ass doesn’t really have a neck to rock them joints, but if I did, I’d be on it.

  5. I saw that promo pic on Tumblr last night and thought it was a photoshopped joke. This man is serious about that shit. Goot gawd. *smh*

  6. I am over here flatlining over this.

  7. Funny as hell

  8. I thought those were awful neck tats for a second as well.lol. I for sure thought and hope that pic is a joke. If not, it gets the uber o_O

  9. I like ascots I think they are classy, i also thinks they of for ppl of a certain lifestyle and industry…in other words its now a pedestrian look…

  10. Harpo....who dat woman?

    In constipated British accented voice: “Excuse me but do you have any Grey Poupon?”
    In country Negro voice: ‘Fo’ sho’.”

    Going, going, gone. Dead.

  11. Pingback: see you December 1st! |

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