Mo Money Taxes.

so.  im sitting here in my room, watching my big extra super fantastic big ol screen tv when it suddenly explodes, displaying 40 inches of ridiculousness in the form of the commercial i’m about to show you.  before we get to the viewing, let me tell you a bit about the company.

Mo Money Taxes is apparently a tax preparation service.  they seem to have found some level of success, since, according to the website, they have multiple offices pretty much all over the American south, and also some midwestern states.

that being said, let me tell you that this particular commercial features a large white man with green hair yelling phrases such as:  “I’M TOE UP FROM THE FLO UP!”, “BLAME IT ON THE AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AHKKAHOL!”, “WHERE DEY DO DAT AT?!’” and “CALM THE HELL CALM DOWN!”  it also features an angry man standing and yelling “IT’S FINNA GET REAL UGLY UP IN HERE!’”  ready?

..nope.  you weren’t ready.

guys, there are TONS of these commercials!!  and they are titled shit like ‘neckbones‘ and ‘ma madea goes to jail.’  oh, and let us not forget:  ‘good times.’

but wait!  there’s more!  would u car to see Mr. Green from the first commercial superman these hoes?

i mean… i’m just… like.  what?  what do u say to this?  what do you say?

obscure r&b album covers of the day

so i guess its safe to say that r&b is becoming the underlying theme of this blog.  which is fine with me.  as long as asinine people keep stepping into studio, i’m not against discussing where they went wrong.

i got an early christmas gift today when my very good friend donnie gave me the link to a blog full of the most random, dated r&b that i’ve never heard of in my life.  the possibilities contained therein are ENDLESS.  i predict many more discussions on r&b coming from that link alone.  so you may thank him for this.

in no particular order, since they’re all equally ridiculous:

1.  Renaizzance – Intimate Thoughts

first, a question.. why did everybody feel the need to spell shit the wrong way?  ‘hello, ladies and gentlemen, we are Peaches and Cream, only it’s spelled PeichezzZ aynd Kriem beause we’re craft and clever.’  smh.  anyway.

u can’t convince me that that wasn’t done by somebody’s 14 yr old little brother with MS clipart and the first edition of Paint Shop Pro.  don’t it look like an airbrushed Rest in Peace t-shirt? (ps – WHY DO THEY HAVE A BEST OF ALBUM?)

dopplegangers.

Caliente from ‘For the Love of Wait a Minute Ain’t That Brandy’s Brother’ looks like Molly Shannon.

its the mouth and nose.  and also the cartoonish ridiculousness that, in Molly Shannon, is purposeful.  in Caliente… not so much.

christmas carol spotlight: ‘baby, it’s cold outside’

Where did you find that photo of Skeevy Santa getting his Thomas Jefferson/Strom Thurmond on? (c) miss kate/lite bread

so i recently noticed just how freakin close to christmas we’re getting.  i love christmas.  hands down one of my favorite times of the year.  i love the feeling in the air, the jingle bells and all that jazz, the terrible christmas decorations.  but most of all, i loooooove christmas music!  so, ive decided that from now til christmas, we’re gonna have a christmas bonanza!  all christmas talk, all the time (or at least whenever i get around to updating, lol).  one thing i wanna do is discuss some of my favorite/unfavorite christmas carols individually in a christmas carol spotlight type of feature.  first up, ‘baby, it’s cold outside.’

…i hate this damn song.

i think what makes me angriest about it is that we’ve all been hoodwinked into thinking it such a simple, sweet, clever, cozy little ditty.  oh, yeah.  crank it at your christmas parties.  sing it with your sweet, innocent little children in the car on the way to mee-maw’s house.  choreograph a funny little number to perform at your office christmas party.  let it be known, though, that YOU ARE DANCING TO DATE RAPE.

the 5 saddest christmas songs ever in life

hello, sugar plums!  part of me feels i should apologize for the erratic/sporadic updates as of late.  it’s holiday christmas season time, and my imaginary ADD is kickin in somethin fierce.  but really… things are always erratic/sporadic here, so i guess this isn’t anything new.  nonetheless, i apologize.

now!  given that it’s time to deck them halls and all that jazz, ive been singing and humming christmas songs more and more frequently.  i loooove christmas.  and christmas songs.  they’re so happy and cheerful and fun and heart-warming.  something that i have never ever understood in the history of my 27 years is the existance of sad christmas songs.  why??  why do we need those?  who said that was okay?  how would you like it if somebody busted up in your birthday party and started singing ‘tears in heaven‘ or ‘the drugs don’t work?’  im pretty sure that’s how Jesus feels when yall start with the sad christmas song singin (im sure he feels weird about everybody celebratin his birthday at the wrong time of year, too, but i digress).

remember when lolcats were funny?

i can still remember the day i first stumbled onto those ridiculous pictures of cats with hilarious, grossly spelled and worded captions.  they were quirky.  they were random.  most importantly, they were funny.  now, they kinda suck.  no more surprise buttsecks or politically incorrect costumes or gratuitous harbls.  now they’re just… meh.  too much cute and corny.

whatever.  anyway, in my random internet journey this morning, i don’t know how i stumbled upon this collection of lolcats, but i did, and i cackled my fool head off.  i’m prolly the only nerd who cares but im puttin em up anyway bc this is my house and i will do as i damn please!

Dear Prospective Employers:

note:  as ive said before, this blog is not about me, really.  but i have shared that i’m currently looking for a job, and i know that i am not alone in this endeavor.  as the result of some recent frustrations i have suffered on the hunt for a job, i thought it may be a good idea to write a letter on behalf of all those searching.  now, we’re addressing professionals here, and as such, this will be a professionally formatted letter–note the proper use of punctuation and full -ing suffixes, used here for the first time ever.  feel free to put your own name in where applicable and send to whomever you deem necessary.

————

Dear Prospective Employers:

Hello; my name is (your name here) and I have recently applied for every job that you have listed on Craigslist, Indeed, Careerbuilder, and all similar sites.  I am an extremely smart, confident, capable college graduate, and I am greatly interested in every job you have available.

I understand and realize that in this economy, the number of those seeking jobs greatly outweighs the number of jobs available.  I do not expect be offered the first job that I apply for.  I do not expect, even, to receive a call from each company that I submit a resume to.  I understand what it’s like out there.  As smart and hungry as I am, there is always someone smarter as smart and perhaps a bit hungrier than I.  This is not the crux of my complaint.  I don’t expect to interview for every position that I apply for.  I know better than that.

What I do expect, however, is some common courtesy and dignity on your part.

happy thanksgiving!

in honor of the holiday, please enjoy this dramatic re-enactment of the first thanksgiving!

enjoy your genocide-laced turkey dinners, heathens!

in defense of Adam Lambert

okay.  Adam Lambert’s American Music Awards performance was totally gay.  literally.  he ground his peen in one dude’s face and ground his tongue in another man’s mouth.  pretty gay.  that’s fine with me, but i recognize that there’s a big potential for backlash here, as there are a lot of people in this country who are not fine with gay shit.

as of yet, i haven’t heard any outrage beyond a few nameless twitterers who referred to it all as an ‘abomination.’  so i thought i’d take a preemptive strike and comprise a short list of other AMA moments more deserving of your outrage, in no particular order.

problematic song of the day

happy friday, yall!

i was in the car with my homie today when Mary Mary’s ‘God in Me’ came on.  i started bankhead bouncin inside myself cause i forgot how much i loved this song.  it definitely knocks! (do ppl still say that?)

the bad thing is that it may knock (if people still say that) a little too much.  i have this condition where when i hear a good beat, my back involuntarily arches & my hips start rolling without my consent.  that’s not exactly the behavior you want to be exhibiting when listening to a gospel song, im sure. im not well versed in the Bible, but i don’t recall reading ‘Thou shalt backeth that ass up all the way to thine zipper’ anywhere.  correct me if i’m wrong tho.

anyway.  enjoy the song & enjoy ur weekends